me and the moon

I left town late in the afternoon. Certain obligations kept me in town later than I'd liked and I was hoping to get to the coast, find my campsite and set up camp before the sun went down. But that's just one of many things that didn't go as planned.

The whole thing was just a desperate attempt to find something; relief, god, a sense of purpose or direction, myself maybe. I didn't really have a clear goal in mind, just something... I just wanted, no. I just needed something. I brought a special chocolate - guaranteed to open my mind like a door to another plane of consciousness and it sat in the center console waiting to be consumed. I'd eaten mushrooms before, I knew what to expect and I was looking forward to loosening my grip on reality.

By the time I reached the coast it was dusk. I didn't have much time and I turned North - following a friend's directions toward an ideal location for this sort of thing. I had tired of the radio and drove in silence through one salt-worn town after another. the two-lane Highway wound up the coast through fog and trees and sheer rock walls with guardrails. It was dark now and I'd seen no sign of the turnoff I'd been looking for. I started looking for any place, hopefully one relatively empty - but one after another all I found were over-crowded state parks, the kind with clean cut parking spots, picnic tables, steel-drum fire pits, running water and garbage cans - not exactly an environment conducive for life altering interactions with the infinite. After another half hour of searching and another seaside town, I'd used up half a tank of gas and I decided to turn around and settle for the last campground I'd passed.

I pulled in and slowly passed square after square of campers, fifth-wheels, BBQ's and tents - halogen lanterns casting artificial blue light in all directions. I pulled into an empty slot the size of my bedroom and unloaded my gear. I struggled setting up my tent in the dark and finally got a fire started. A few spaces down people were laughing and hollering. Beyond the thin wall of trees that were leaning away from the ocean, and thin undergrowth was the highway where cars and trucks and rumbling motorcycles drove past at random, their headlights throwing shadows through the trees.
I guess this will have to do, I thought to myself. I fed the fire and then I sat in the tent watching the flames and the moon through the open tent door. I unwrapped my chocolate, took a bite, chewed and swallowed, took another bite and then it was in me. I snacked on some of the food I brought and then waited. My eyes were red from the drive and the smoke and the weed I'd smoked a few minutes before. I stood by the fire poking and reducing the coals, feeding in more wood, waiting, listening, watching the moon shining through the branches and pulling on the ocean a hundred yards away. I listened to them crashing on the shore and it was so loud and so relentless - it sounded like a freight train tearing through town, a train that never stopped rattling by.

More laughter cut through the dark and a woman squealed with glee a few spaces down. I smoked another cigarette and pulled out my notebook as I sat by the fire - prepared to record my musings as I passed into the realm of, who knows. I tried to write a poem:

I threw a couple more logs on the fire

and plopped down on my coat

she watched me and then the flames

"tell me a story" I said

and then I waited... and waited

and she just kept smiling, like she was

about to tell a fantastic tale, 

but she never did. She just kept smiling

and she never did.

I had another smoke, and waited.

An hour later I was still waiting. the fire cracked and spit, the waves crashed, the moon drifted through the branches imperceptibly slow and I waited... waited for what? Who knows, a ghost or an angel to walk through the trees and sit down at my fire, a bolt of lightning to my mind or heart. The poison stirred in my gut but never worked it's way to my brain. So I whispered into the darkness, "Okay... I'm here. I'm open. I'm waiting... if you're really there... speak to me... show me a way... meet me here...". But I said those words to no-one and as soon as I spoke them they burned up and disappeared like the tiny sparks of glowing ash that fly up from the fire. 

A few cars passed on the Highway and it occurred to me how utterly ridiculous it was of me to be sitting there waiting for some other-worldly experience. I laughed to myself and an image came to mind: I could be sitting there, on the seashore, waiting until I grew old and my skin turned grey and my bones turned to powder and still experience nothing close to what I was seeking. Indeed many men have spent their lives waiting in vain. And while it sounds less comical as I write it, it was enough to make me laugh out loud at myself in the dark. I wondered if anyone heard or saw and if they thought I was crazy. 

Every few minutes I fed the flames, just enough to give me light and some warmth and I felt like I was teasing the fire as if it was a dog, it wanted to eat and burn and grow and I fed it rationed bits for my pleasure. And I suddenly sympathised with it as I felt that if there was a god, he was doing the same thing to me - allowing me to burn up only so hot and burn down only so low before throwing a couple more logs on the fire and my whole life was just to provide him with some warmth and some light in a cold, dark universe. I waited.

Finally, around three a.m I crawled into the tent and tried to fall asleep. My head was exhausted but my body was restless and it thrashed about trying to get comfortable as I resigned myself to the empty conclusion I knew was coming. Nothing had happened. And I thought about what it felt like to be a man - a solitary man in the world, sleeping under the moon, listening to a vast roaring sea crash on the shore and the cars pass on the highway, and I felt alone. 

I woke up feeling betrayed and disillusioned, maybe a little dehydrated. I tore down camp and loaded everything back into the truck. I drove back into the nearest town and, as I'd smoked the last one before I fell asleep, I picked up a pack of cigarettes at the first market I passed. It was  just after noon and where I'd stopped to grab a bite to eat they'd stopped serving breakfast, so I just ordered a cup of coffee and sat there alone, resenting something that didn't even exist. Angry at myself for needing it so badly and not knowing how to find it.

I sat on the beach for a few hours watching the waves and the sun pass slowly overhead, then I gave up and walked away from it all. So I found myself sitting in some dingy ocean-side bar drinking beer and writing this down. How does a man find meaning in this world? The ocean would drowned me without a thought. How can I find purpose in a universe that doesn't give a shit either way, and why should I? I had another smoke and drove home.
Time was up. Back to reality.


Meaning and morals...
I think about the meaning I might draw from this story, but even as possible answers begin to formulate in my mind they are halted by a bigger, more prominent thought - That it doesn't necessarily mean anything, and that maybe I spend too much time seeking answers that don't exist, or perhaps more accurately, answers we only make for ourselves.
You will find your own. 

Not your typical Sunday Morning Bible study...

I'd like to begin at the beginning today... if you'd open your Bible's to the book of Genesis...

Call me a sceptic ("No!" you say, "surely not!"), but there seem to be certain inconsistencies in the opening pages of the Bible, specifically the first drama that takes place in the garden around a certain fruit tree, and a certain young couple...
Of course, what I'm about to say is purely my opinion and isn't endorsed by any Biblical scholar, so do with it what you will. My opinion isn't worth a bag of beans, although with the rising cost of food these days perhaps my opinion is worth more than it use to be!

If you read the story of Adam and Eve from a point of view seeking conformation of your currently held beliefs in "man's fallen state" then yeah, it all makes sense and the pieces seem to fit... but only if you take the story at face value and refuse to dig deeper. If, on the other hand, you carefully read the account with a basic working knowledge of some of the fundamental Christian beliefs, and if you study the elements and characters in the story, some red flags should pop up. Before I go through the account of "the fall" in the garden, I'd like to lay some ground work just so we're all on the same page.

There are many conflicting doctrines held by Christians. Some will read a passage and interpret it with a literal meaning, while another will read it with a metaphorical interpretation in mind, each drawing two completely different conclusions from the same exact verse. Some will even do a bit of both. There are some Christians who believe that there was a previous Earth age before the one written about in the book of Genesis, and others who would sternly denounce such an idea. Some Christians believe they will be raptured in the end days (May 21, 2011 for any of you looking to do anything special before you're raptured... I heard it from a reliable source on a Christian radio station) before the shit hits the global fan, while others believe that they will remain to endure whatever this life may bring so that they will be tested (refined by fire) and proved worthy of the Kingdom through faith. There are literally thousands of examples like this.
The point being, trying to represent a unified Christian perspective can be challenging, perhaps even impossible from one frame of mind, without coming off a little schizophrenic. This house is divided, on nearly every issue. But, if we zoom out it becomes easier to find congruences in their beliefs and thus, in a general way, there is a unified Christian perspective. It is from this zoomed-out perspective I would like to establish some thoughts. Not that these four points are a complete picture of the Christian perspective, but they are generally accepted by the majority of the "Christian" population and represent an accurate picture when it comes to the idea of "the fall of Man."
1) God placed the "Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" in the midst of the garden, so that Man could exercise his free will. In order for man to truly love and worship God, the opportunity to disobey and reject God had to exist.
2) It is from man's self willed action (disobeying and eating the forbidden fruit) that all the pain, suffering, sin, sickness and death exist today as part of the human condition. In essence, this one disobedience was the open door through which all manner of sin and evil has flooded mankind.
3) God - being omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent - knew before the foundations of the Earth that this is how it was going to go down and in His infinite wisdom, He decided to go through with it anyway.
4) God allows all of this pain, suffering, sin, sickness and death in the human race so that  ultimately he can be glorified. His entire plan throughout the Bible - in order to save man - is ultimately that He might be glorified.

Now... the stage is set, the pieces are moving, enjoy the show!
Genesis 2:16-17
"And the Lord God commanded the man saying, 'From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you shall surely die.'" There is no Christian doctrine (that I'm aware of) that interprets the actual tree as a metaphorical tree. It was a literal tree, with literal fruit. I will not attempt to interpret whether this story or any of it's parts are metaphorical. As far as this conversation is concerned, each part is the plain, unaltered, straight from the Horse's mouth, literal story. This is an important distinction to make and I'll come back to it later.

Genesis 3,
The serpent, which was apparently more "crafty" than any other animal God had created, comes to discuss the forbidden tree and it's fruit with Eve. It asks her in verse 1 "Indeed, has God said 'You shall not eat of any tree of the garden'?" And Eve responds "From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it, lest you die.'"

I would like to take this opportunity to say that nowhere in the book of Genesis does it state that the serpent WAS Satan. In fact it is crystal clear in the text that the serpent is simply and animal, a crafty animal, but an animal none the less. The interpretation of the serpent AS Satan doesn't emerge in scripture until much later. Thousands of years in fact. Also, as a side note, the image of a serpent in the old testament is symbolic of God Himself in many places. Moses' staff becomes a snake at the burning bush (Exodus 4), later Moses' brother-n-law Aaron throws down his staff which transforms into a serpent before the Pharaoh at the word of God, and when Pharaoh's magicians do the same, Aaron's staff (serpent) devours Pharaoh's snakes as a demonstration of God's supremacy (Exodus 7). And again, when the Israelites are wandering through the desert - and grumbling as usual - God sends a plague of snakes upon them and when they repent God gives Moses instructions to forge a bronze snake and fasten it to a standard (or rod) so that anyone who was bitten could look upon it and not die. If the serpent was such a cursed animal, the symbol of temptation, evil and original sin, why did God choose to use it so regularly to both represent Himself and as the manifestation of his power on Earth? God literally has Moses forge a bronze snake and fasten it to a rod for all to look upon for salvation! How does this not fall under the category of "graven images" that are so taboo just a few pages earlier? How is this bronze snake not an idol?

Anyway... I digress...

So, the serpent asks the question, Eve answers with a partial truth. "We cant even touch it or we'll die" which is not what God said. Maybe Adam in his desire to avoid the temptation altogether, instructed Eve that they shouldn't even touch it. Maybe this is a little something extra that Eve threw in for emphasis, like you do. At any rate, how was this first lie not an issue? God didn't say it, but He never even addresses it! Are we to glean from this that it isn't so much what we think or say, only what we do? Or did the sin of actually eating the forbidden fruit override the lesser sin of twisting what God said? Are we to glean from this obscure fact that there are levels of wrong or sin, grey areas that aren't as sinful as others, or not as important to God as others?

Again... I digress...

The serpent responds to Eve, saying "You shall not surely die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." So when she'd heard what the serpent had to say, and looked at the tree and it's delicious looking fruit, she took some and ate it and shared it with the man who was with her. When they ate, something began to happen. It was a burning that began in their guts, then moved up to their hearts. They both began to gag and choke, foaming at the mouth and as the poison reached their brains they seized and fell to the ground dead. "Oh shit!" Said the serpent and he slithered off into oblivion.
Wait...
That's not right...
Oh yeah, so... they eat the fruit and suddenly their eyes are open and they realize for the first time that they're naked.

(Up until that point it was purely eye contact)

So they sew some fig leaves together to cover their nakedness (which apparently is just... wrong. Someone should tell this to my children who have no problem parading around the apartment butt-ass-necked).
Then, when they hear God coming - walking through the garden in the cool of the day as He did then - they hid from Him among the trees. God calls out "Where are you?"

Side note: Why did He have to ask? Surely God knew where they were, was he just toying with them, testing them? Another test?

Anyway, Adam comes out and says "I heard you coming and I hid because I was naked." (I'm paraphrasing here, but read it for yourself, this is pretty accurate). God says, "Who told you that you are naked? Did you eat from the forbidden tree?" Here Adam does some fancy footwork-blame-shifting and says "The woman you gave me, she gave me fruit from the tree and I ate!" God turns to Eve and says "Is this true?" and the woman, not to be outdone, dances a bit herself. "It was the serpent! It deceived me and I ate." God looks at the serpent who was apparently still hanging around and curses it for what it has done. But that's not all. There's plenty of cursing to go around. There's a curse for the woman and yet another curse for the man.

There...

Now that all parties have been cursed appropriately, God has some thinking to do. This is where it gets interesting, but it happens fast so pay attention.

Genesis 3:22-24
"Then the Lord God said, 'Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, lest he stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever' - therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. So He drove the man out; and at the East of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim, and the flaming sword which turned every direction, to guard the way to the tree of life."

Let's return to something... what did God say in the beginning? "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you shall surely die."
What did the serpent say? "You surely shall not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
Well, what really happened? Adam and Eve didn't die that day. Their eyes were open knowing good and evil, like God. We know this because God says "... the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil..."
Christians like to explain this away by saying, "Well... God was referring to a spiritual death, not a physical one." Really? Because I don't recall reading where God says "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you shall suffer a spiritual kind of death and it will take your body about 900 years or so to die, but when you do, you will surely be dead."
You might be tempted to say, "stop being so damn literal Adam!" Well I'm sorry, aren't we talking about a literal tree, with literal fruit? Isn't this a literal thing that happened with VERY literal consequences? So do we get to pick and choose when to make it metaphorical?

What did God say? "... the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil..." what does this mean? That they knew the difference between the two, that they could recognise the difference or that they suddenly became aware of each? Or did they "know" the way a man and woman "know" each other, as in, experiencing good and evil, intimately? This is another topic for another day...

The next part is, to me, the most interesting of all. God says "... and now, lest he stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever..." You mean to tell me, that even after man had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they could have eaten from the tree of life and lived forever? But wouldn't that completely nullify what God had said about them surely dying if they ate from the first tree?
I'm not making this stuff up people! Read it!
 And how is it that they had never eaten from the tree of life before? Didn't they know about it? Had God kept it a secret and not pointed it out the way he did the other tree? Isn't that kind of stacking the deck against them to begin with? There are many questions here and many more that I haven't even posed.
A Christian accepts these passages by faith, believing that God's purposes are pure and that the fault lies with man and with a certain serpent who may have been possessed by Satan, or perhaps Satan turned himself into a serpent, or whatever doctrine they wish to superimpose to make it make sense.

The whole thing seems a little fishy to me.
Everyone seems to be telling partial truths in this story, including God. God tells a partial truth about the tree to begin with ( in the day you eat of it you'll surely die...). Adam tells a partial truth when he blames the woman instead of taking responsibility (not to mention, we don't know if Adam is the one who twisted God's word to begin with by telling Eve that she shouldn't even touch the tree or they'd die). Eve tells a partial truth about not being able to even touch the tree, and also when she avoids responsibility by blaming the snake. The serpent on the other hand, is the only one who actually tells the truth! When Eve says "if we eat it or even touch it we'll surely die!" the serpent says "you wont die!" this is true. Not only did they live long enough to digest the poisonous fruit, if they'd taken and eaten from the tree of life they would have lived indefinitely! In fact, there is no verse in Genesis that says that Adam and Eve were created to be immortals. For all we know, they would have expired eventually anyway without the aid of the tree of life! The notion that they were created immortal is assumed and then implied by various other interpretations-turned-doctrine via Paul and other New Testament writers. Also, the serpent told the truth about them becoming like God and knowing good and evil. God himself confirms this when he says "... the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil..." So according to Scripture, the serpent is the ONLY one in this account who is telling the truth.
Weird.

FYI: This reasoning is actually the foundation of Satanism as a religion. Funny how one scripture can be the seed for many different - even opposing belief systems. I'm not a Satanist, but I thought it was an interesting piece of information.

So allow me to return to the groundwork for a moment.
1) God placed the "Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" in the midst of the garden, so that Man could exercise his free will. In order for man to truly love and worship God, the opportunity to disobey and reject God had to exist.
My question is, didn't man have free will, even without that damn tree? Didn't man freely twist what God had said about what not to do before they ate of it's fruit? Didn't Adam use free will to name all the animals? Aren't there a multitude of other things they did on a daily basis that required free will? What's the relevance? well... the point is, it didn't require a cursed tree with cursed fruit in order for man to have/exercise free will. It did however set the stage for his "fall" so that a need would be created for God to swoop in and save the day.
2) It is from man's self willed action (disobeying and eating the forbidden fruit) that all the pain, suffering, sin, sickness and death exist today as part of the human condition. In essence, this one disobedience was the open door through which all manner of sin has flooded mankind.
This is definitely one way of looking at it. But who is responsible for the tree? And as I already stated, was the tree even necessary? And to question a bit further, how was the purity, divinity, holiness of God not tainted by the creation of such a profoundly dark and pivotal force?
3) God - being omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent - knew before the foundations of the Earth that this is how it was going to go down and He went through with it anyway.
and...
4) God allows all of this pain, suffering, sin, sickness and death in the human race so that  ultimately he can be glorified. His entire plan throughout the Bible - in order to save man - is ultimately that He might be glorified.
So, let me see if I can summarize here and then I'll be done... thanks for stickin it out.
1. God creates man with free will because - and I agree here - a mindless drone is no fun.
2. He creates a tree with fruit that will separate him from his creation - and then He makes a point to highlight the tree with special conditions, knowing the whole time that his creation will find a way to taste it. In addition he created another very significant tree that yields eternal life to all who ingest it's fruit... but nothing is said about this one to Adam and Eve, at least the Bible doesn't say. One would think that if they knew about a tree that blessed it's eaters with eternal life, they would be all over it! But this is an assumption.
3. When man eats the forbidden fruit (which God knew they would do to begin with) God curses them and casts them from his presence and from the garden of Eden. In addition, he places an angelic guard with a fiery sword to dissuade anyone from trying to re-enter and eat from the tree of life. From this point on, it's a steady decline into the horror which is the "fallen state of man".
4. The rest of the Bible is the story of God setting the stage to save man from his fallen state (that He was instrumental in creating by the way) so that they will glorify him in the end.
Does anything about this seem a little funky to anyone but me? Is God really so narcissistic that he would set up this whole thing to get more glory? Is he really so needy? Would an eternal, Holy being really need to set things up like this to get man to glorify Him? Did Adam and Eve not already glorify their maker? Were they blind to his power such that they needed to be put through this sort of ringer so that they would recognise their own weakness and come crawling back to Daddy? This sounds like something a selfish man would come up with, not an eternal all knowing, all loving God.

Ask yourself, would an eternal God allow all the horrors we endure here on planet Earth just so He could be glorified? If God is God, immortal, eternal, Alpha and Omega, isn't He complete without our praise?Is the adoration obedience and worship for our infinitesimal period of time as finite beings really worth that much to an eternal being? Is this kind of behavior really worthy of a God?

You may glean many things from this account in the scripture. There are, no doubt, many lessons to be learned - not the least of which is, don't listen to talking snakes.

One thing I glean from this story is that men have had, and will always have many ideas about who and what God is. But listen to your heart and seek with your eyes wide open. Believing in "God" doesn't mean you have to believe everything people say about It.

sure as hell...

I have a self-willed son. It seems like he's always arguing with what I tell him to do, always wants to do it his own way, always has to question my wisdom and authority. It's tiresome and I've had enough. I went down to the courthouse and filed the proper paperwork. He is officially disowned. I kicked him out of my home last night, he is now - and will for the rest of his life be - separated from me. I expect more of my children.

What?!

Sounds too extreme?

And yet you have no problem accepting the idea that God would send a self-willed human being to spend ETERNITY burning and suffering in the fires of Hell??
Oh... that's different?

I see...

You know, I don't get too heated about many topics, at least I try not to. I try to remain objective and clear headed and I will try my utmost to remain so throughout with blog, but I should mention at the outset - this really chaps my ass!
"Of course it does!" you might say "the whole idea of Hell is a very unpleasant one and something that we all would like to do away with, but without it there is no consequence for sin! And you just want to dismiss it so that you can justify living the way you want to live without fear of the eternal price tag!"

Okay... (me taking a deep cleansing breath).

There are several reasons why I know that the idea of Hell, as a literal place where us unbelievers go to suffer for all eternity for our self-willed rebellion, is bull shit. I will try to explain as concisely as possible why this whole concept is an irrational doctrine motivated and sustained entirely by fear.

1) It's easy ( perhaps for some) to think of psychopaths, child molesters, rapists, the Hitler's of the world burning in Hell. We feel justified sending them to suffer for their wrongdoings. Easy for some to choose to see the world in the stark contrast of black and white. But the world is not black and white. Nothing in fact is black and white. Choose if you will to disagree but what about the individual who lives a good life, giving to those around them, compassionate, humble and loving who happens to be a Buddhist? Perhaps you can feel justified sending them to burn in Hell... but really? "Well..." you say "It's unfortunate and God desires that none should perish but... it's the choice that they made".
I see...
What about your friends and family members who aren't Christians? You're okay with the idea of them burning in Hell for eternity simply because they have different ideas about truth? "Well, of course I'm not okay with it! I wish that they would just believe the way I do... but they've made their choice and God's judgement is righteous."
I understand now...
The world is black and white and it doesn't matter how you live, or how much good you do in the world. Don't say the prayer, burn in hell. Don't believe and blindly accept every word of the Bible and the interpretations that I have developed and come to accept, burn in hell. Not that I'm judging or anything, but... burn in hell.

While I am incapable of embracing this mind frame, and don't understand how any human being can be OK with it, I understand that many of you do and are able - somehow - to justify resigning YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS to such a fate. This isn't even the main point, just a side note. But even if it was really the way God operated, that is his prerogative and we have no right to even speak such things, let alone use them to motivate unbelievers! How morbid is that?!

second,

2) You mean to tell me, the same God who created everything in and beyond this universe, the complex systems of natural laws and the organisms, the incredible human machine, the interconnectedness of ecosystems, the list goes on and on and on... this same God cant come up with a more creative way of dealing with man's self will than, "sorry... you had your hundred years to figure this shit out. Now you get to burn in Hell for eternity! Sucks to be you!" I think not.
This is why I believe that our experience here on Earth is a learning process that for most of us lasts more than just one lifetime. When we return home we have the opportunity to look back, assess the life we lived as human and then do it again, avoiding the same potholes. If I, being a mere human can think of a more efficient, compassionate, productive way that guarantees a 100% success rate, I'm sure God can think of something!

lastly...

3) I understand why the concept of Hell exists. Its like raising a child. without discipline, they don't learn to "do right". But there comes a time when the threat is no longer necessary. Bottom line, if you're a spiritual child who needs the idea of Hell to keep you on the straight and narrow then by all means, do what you gotta do. I would hope that at some point, you mature enough to seek good for good's sake, God for God's sake, Truth for Truth's sake, love for Love's sake...  not because the alternative is too scary to face.

This is cowardice, the most vile of human tendencies.

I have a Christian friend who's asked me on several occasions, "but what if you're wrong man? I don't know about you but, I'd rather just believe in the Bible knowing that just in case, I'll be safe then risk it."
Well... I just have one thing to say about that. If this is how you see it, then you are a believer out of fear, not love. This statement does NOT come from faith, but from fear.

If you feel this way, then your belief is an insurance policy. This is not faith. This is not love, and I want no part of it. If I die and face God and discover that He is actually the God of the Christians and only the Christians (which I doubt), then I will stand before Him in honesty, and He will know that I sought with courage and an open heart, eyes wide open and that I refused to bow to fear even when that doctrine was placed like a gun to my head. And I will be honored to stand before Him as a human being, who refused to devalue the life inside of another, even though they saw the world through different eyes.

Any decision made in fear will be the wrong decision. Have the balls to love one another no matter what your big book says. You say "fear is the beginning of wisdom!" Perhaps...
 but it sure as hell isn't the end!

do the work...

Discussing spiritual things is wonderful. I think there is great value in talking about what we believe to be true and why we believe it to be so. It keeps the big picture in the forefront of our minds, reminds us why we should love, forgive, etc. But we should be careful that we don't become, how does it go...

"so spiritually minded that we're of no earthly good".

Our words will betray us, but our actions are the testament to our TRUE beliefs. It's good to discuss spiritual matters, because it helps us solidify certain ideas about the infinite, but be careful that they don't become too solid. Its good to discuss love, but better to love. Good to discuss forgiveness, but better to forgive. It's good to discuss the nature of God, but... you get the point.
This is one of religion's fatal flaws, hypocrisy.
Perhaps waxing spiritual is not a problem for some of you. Good. For some of us, it's a danger (I refer to myself especially). This post will be short and sweet.

A CHALLENGE:

For those of us who have a tendency to discuss spiritual matters like the latest gossip, and everyone else - the challenge is to go through this next week without saying a word that refers to spiritual truth, God, etc. Instead, every time you get the urge talk about such things, DO SOMETHING that aligns with the truth you profess. Love someone, forgive, give of yourself, sacrifice ego, pray, meditate, etc. And draw no attention to the things you do. Do them secretly if you can, don't glorify them.

Discussing exercise is wonderful, especially if you're creating a schedule, familiarising yourself with certain muscle groups, addressing old injuries. But discussing exercise won't make you any stronger.

Do the work!

some answered questions...

I smiled thinking about it.

Simply because it struck me as ironic that the last post - which was a sweet little ditty about loving others even though they have different, perhaps even opposing beliefs - sparked the most controversy so far... funny.

But then the more I thought about it, the more upset I became. If we can't even find a way to treat others with respect and compassion, or maintain some sense of humility in a blog - where we have hours or days to think about what we say before we type, proof read, skim the thesaurus, check spelling and hit "SEND", what hope do we have to respond in those ways in real life?
I began to feel that this blog was a waste of time. My goal was to speak something of value, to write something worth reading, because I know what these truths have done in my life and I wanted to share it and watch it produce good fruit in the lives of others! I began to think that this whole thing was a mistake, "this isn't what I wanted" I told my wife.

But when I got up early this morning and spent my time in silence, something occurred to me:

 there are no mistakes, only opportunities.

So I would like to take this opportunity to address some questions that were asked regarding my last post. There are 13 questions, but essentially they are one. By the end you will see what I mean. Forgive me for taking so long to answer, sometimes you have to wait until the water is still before you can see through to the bottom... for the Christians reading this, I guess you could say I was taking a moment to draw in the sand.

1). "Is this god/truth/love you speak of in the space between a satanist and a radical jihadist?" The Infinite answer is yes, but the finite answer is that you have misunderstood the main point. This "god/truth/love" I speak of is not a hybrid of multiple faiths. You can't combine Satanism and Islam to get a yummy God cookie. The point is that when people, ANY people, are willing to lay down the tools they use for building up their belief structures and the weapons they use to defend it so that they are better able to give/ help/ befriend their fellow human being, they are demonstrating the love of God. Not that I need to explain this to a Christian, but the point is self sacrifice. Living in a way that honors the noblest of human (you may wish to say Divine) attributes. Isn't that what your whole religion is about? Isn't it based on a gift? a sacrifice made for us even though we didn't deserve it? That's the point. So if a Satanist was to lay down his/her life for a radical Jihadist, then yes... "God" is in their midst, in that space between their beliefs, where love is manifest.

2). "Does this god bridge their beliefs?" I believe I already answered that, but in case you meant, "is god able to access the human heart even at these extremes, in spite of their beliefs?" then yes. (At some point down the road I'll talk about my own personal specific beliefs regarding the nature of "God", for now I'll stick with the idea of "Him" as a personified God: the big man in Heaven, watching, listening, etc...) God is everywhere, all the time, all knowing and all powerful. There is no heart beyond his reach. Period. 

3). "Is there truth between what the jihadist does with explosives strapped to his chest, and what the satanist does to animals?" Well, yeah. The Jihadist (which I'm not sure is the grammatically correct way of saying that) TRULY believes that he is doing the work of God. And the Satanist TRULY believes they seek a better way. You point out what they do to animals, but isn't your Bible full of animal sacrifice... initiated by the will of God? Surely animal sacrifice isn't your real issue. (side note, one of these days I'd like to post a blog about misconceptions regarding Satanism and various other religions... it's fascinating just how much we don't know about the things we judge). In Both of these examples that were brought up, the people (mothers, fathers, sons, daughters) involved TRULY BELIEVE what they are doing is right, just as some Christians believe that picketing the funeral of a homosexual soldier is doing the work of God. Never mind the grieving family, this is what "God wants". Of course... who am I to say? I can't stop those Christians any more than I can stop a terrorist from doing what they believe is right. I cant change their mind, or reason with them. Do I agree with them? Absolutely not. But here again, what is love? Where is God in all this? What if you had the chance to give your life to save that terrorist? What if by dying, I was able to save the life of one of those Christians picketing?" Would you? Would I? Perhaps the better question is, would Jesus? I think we both know the answer... and This is love - to lay down you life, even for your enemy.

4). "Does truth really bridge all religions?" Truth is not a combination of all religions, instead, each religious idea has grown from a seed of truth. Now whether that seed grows to be healthy, or whether it withers and dies, whether it produces wholesome fruit or produces worm filled balls of poison depends largely on how it is grown, pruned, watered, etc. We are the caretakers. But again, can Truth reach across any and all religious walls? Absolutely, yes.

5). "Do they all point like road signs to the god in the space between?" The Infinite answer, yes. The finite answer, if you look deep enough into any religion you will find a common thread, a longing to "know God", as I've said before - it's like gravity pulling us back to the source. At some point, we all go home.

6). "What about the Tibetan monk performing a sky burial where he chops dead bodies up into pieces so the vultures wont leave anything behind?" Who are you? Are you your body? Your organs, your brain, your blood? Well... I suppose partially, yes. But these things are merely a shadow of who and what you really are. The body is just a shell we use for a time and when we move on to the next stage in existence, who really cares what people do with the empty shell? Here in America we either burn it to ashes, or we dress it up, put makeup on it, take out the organs, plump it up with preservatives and stick it in a very expensive box before will dig a hole and stick it in the ground. Does it really matter? I like what Jesus said, let the dead bury their own dead. 

7). "Who declares whether these are rightdoings or wrongdoings?" Well, it seems that we all do! And we all have a different idea of where they fall on that wrong-to-right continuum. The Better question is, who will be willing to love the other in spite of those differences?

8). "Where is the space" (referring to the space between... where God is). It is both a physical place and a metaphorical one. "God" is everywhere all the time, so the space is everywhere, all the time. And metaphorically the question has been answered several times over, but I'll give a clear visual - It's just past your little stone wall of pride and through the doorway of humility, if you can get there I GUARANTEE you'll find it!

9). "If this god you speak of is the common love they all share... do you serve your god?" This "god" I speak of is like a river with a steady current. I do my best from day to day to strip off all the things that make me feel like me, unique, special, separate, and wade into the cool water with nothing but my naked honesty. I try to slip down into the water and let it take me wherever I'm meant to go. Some days I'm able to let go a little better than others. Sometimes I drift all day long, enjoying the sun on my face and the feeling of the air and the water on my skin. Some days I fight the current... but it only wears me out. This is the best way for me to describe it. I hope it answers you question. It's not a thing to serve, or obey. It's a thing to align myself with, or not. But I cant change it or redirect it. It wears away stone and feeds flowers by the shore... all a the same time... a great and wonderful mystery.

10). "Do you want to aspire to be like him?" day to day yes. I aspire to love, to forgive, to be full of joy and wisdom and peace, warm and bright as a fire for everyone around me. But that's just while I'm here. Some day I'll go home, and that river will run to the sea. 

11). "If it isn't god/truth/love, then who decides what is?" This is the question that was asked, but it's the wrong question. We all decide on a daily basis what's true, real, etc. The better question is whether we will choose to love those who see such things in a different light.

12). "Does this space where god is, respect the different ways these cultures and people groups express love?" The expression of love from one human being to another is our way of respecting God and the various ways in which people show love are all beautiful and all equally sacred.

13). "What is love? Is it different for different people or is there a universal definition?"

This is the ONE question I mentioned earlier.

What is love? If I were able to define this accurately for you, you would have the True definition of God.

 I am not so enlightened. I can only tell you what it does, how it effects us. Much the way we can only define gravity based on how it effects things. 

Although hatred stirs up strife, Love covers all transgressions, Love builds up, Love is patient and kind, Love isn't jealous or arrogant and it doesn't brag. Love doesn't behave rudely, nor is it selfish. Love isn't provoked and it doesn't keep tabs on all the injustice that its suffered. Love doesn't rejoice or gloat over the ignorance of others, but only in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails, though all else will pass away, Love will never fail. Love is greater than our faith and our hope. This is true of Love, and certainly a Truth any Christian will recognise. 

Love sacrifices itself for friend and foe alike. Love is what enables us to forgive those who have left scars on our hearts. Love is the only fingerprint of God, by whatever name you choose to call him, because without Love there is nothing here worth fighting for, nothing worth living for and certainly nothing worth dying for.  



The space between

Today's blog is short and sweet. We had some friends over for dinner last night. They are wonderful people and I'm proud to call them friends. One of the things I love about them, is that they are devout Christians who actively seek God and deeper levels of truth in their daily lives.

I watched a documentary on religion and man's spiritual beliefs once, don't recall the name of it off hand, but at one point during the film I was brought to tears. Something I saw moved me in such a way that I couldn't NOT be effected by it (by the by, you  know it's real truth when it moves you like that).

What I saw was just this: There were two friends, two old men who were the best of friends. One was a Jew and the other was a Palestinian. They were talking about the differences in their beliefs and the shere hatred that surrounded them, but that how God was the space between, like a bridge between them.
It  was just the way they were silent after it was said, nodding at each other, smiling, and tearing up.
It was incredibly beautiful.
Powerful.

Anyone who knows anything about the conflict in that part of the world, and how it all stems from religious beliefs - the killing, the hatred, all of the pain that has taken place because of the clash of two differing faiths, and yet here were two old men at opposite ends, in the midst of a war zone, an Earthly hell by all standards - and yet, they were bound by friendship and love.

God is the space between. The bridge between your truth and mine, and not that I should cross to your side, or you should be convinced to come to mine, but that we meet where God is and let love be the bridge that binds us.

I love my friends. Not because they think the way I do. Not because of what I can get from them, or how they make me feel. I love that they have their own beliefs, but most of all, I love that in spite of our very distinct differences, they never fail to meet me in the middle, in that silent in between where God lives.

follow the signs... dont call them "God"

Looking back over my last blog, it occurred to me that I'd made a mistake (and I'm not referring to the number of grammatical errors). When I read the parable of the trees again and thought about my life and the beliefs I'd held in the past as "The Truth", I realised that I'd had all of those trees growing in my front yard at one time or another, and in fact, it seems that my beliefs have followed the same natural pattern that actual trees do; that is - they are young saplings, they grow into tall strong, living things and then when they've run their course, they die.

At one time, the thought of changing one of my personal beliefs would've seemed an embarrassing thing to admit but one thing I've learned is that it takes courage to change. It's much easier to stay where things are comfortable and predictable. But change is the only real constant and to resist it is to resist the current of life. It's healthy to be part of the cycle that the rest of creation, and indeed, everything in our universe abides by. The only danger lies in clinging to that which is dead, simply because it once lived and it once gave life. A baby nurses for a time, but the day comes when they have to move on to another form of sustenance.

Take my experience in Christianity for example. When I was young, so was my faith. I was simple and green as was my belief. I didn't need any structure to help explain the complexities of life, because the life of a child is relatively simple. I don't mean to downplay simple faith, on the contrary, I feel the world could use more of it! But there came a time when I had questions that required a deeper understanding. In addition, I was growing up in an atmosphere where the goal was a deeper relationship with God, and this required a more comprehensive understanding of his word.
You could say that my tree was no longer a sapling, but growing taller with branches instead of shoots. My roots were growing deeper and the larger the tree became, the more nutrients it required to thrive.

Over time I had come to a place where there was so much structure, so much doctrine that I could have lived out the rest of my life and never had a need to search for truth again. I had so many beliefs, proofs for my beliefs, supporting arguments for my proofs and supporting arguments for my supporting arguments until my faith was a veritable fortress! This is not a situation unique to my personal experience.

I have known, and still know, many people who construct their own fortresses and go to a meeting once or twice a week in order to reinforce their foundations and the structures of other like minded individuals - because if there's anything better that having a fortress, it's having an entire kingdom of fortresses that are impervious to this harsh world.

I know. I've done it. I've helped pour foundations myself and replace weak pieces from time to time. This group dynamic can be dangerous. It's one thing to have your own beliefs that you cling to because they are a model that fits your life. If something changes - like a perception for example - and you notice that your model no longer fits, you simply tear down what doesn't work and replace it with a better solution. This is a healthy learning process.
But in a group of "like minded" individuals, tearing down becomes risky business. You see, not everyone will agree that THAT particular piece needs to be removed. In fact some will want it to be reinforced, still others will claim that it's perfect the way it is.
In most cases, the individual looses their sense of self and defers to the mind of the collective, propagated by a charismatic leader or leaders. We tend to polarize our views when surrounded by a like minded group so instead of seeing the world and our vast experiences with a somewhat objective outlook, it all becomes black and white and we dice and hack and divide and shove the pieces into our little categories of "Right" and "Wrong", snacking all the while on the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of "Good" and "Evil" until we've got it all figured out. Soon it becomes difficult to even see  problems with our belief system because we are SO assured by the nature of the group who reinforces the collective belief regularly while simultaneously condemning objectors in the subtext of the sermon. But I digress...

The point is, that tree grew in me.
I know what it feels like to have THE answer and be more confident in it than I am in my own heart. If you would've asked me thirteen years ago if I would ever leave the church, I would have swore emphatically "No! I will never walk away from the calling of God and the miraculous power and glory he has in store for us... his remnant in the Earth!" 

And yet, here I am.

The thing is, every belief we have is no more than a symbol... a sign in our spirits, our hearts and minds pointing to something greater; the words we use, the stories, the imagery, the prayers, the rituals, all of it. No religion is God. To go a step further... are you ready? No religion is the "Right" religion. Now I know what you're gonna say, "well... there has to be some absolute 'Right'! Some Truth by which to measure all other truths!" and you're right. So here it is...
 They are all signs and symbols that point to something... The Source. The symbol still has meaning, and it contains truth, but it will always fall short of "The Truth" or the substance that it represents. So we can cling to our faith because it is true, and condemn the Hell-bound Muslim, but we are essentially pitching a tent at the foot of the road sign, as if it's the destination and throwing rocks at others who have decided to park under another sign. "You Muslims/ Buddhists/ Taoists/ New Agers (fill in the blank please) are better come over to our sign or you're gonna burn! Can't say I didn't warn ya!" On the other hand, if we should choose to move past it into the great unknown, we have no guarantees except for our faith that the Source will guide us back home. This is true faith: to step past what is known into the void, knowing only the pulling on our spirit by the gravity of the infinite  that can be felt when we are quiet and still.

To illustrate the idea of the "word of God" as a sign with more than this man's opinion, consider a major story line in the Bible. The Israelites were the people of God. He gave them a mountain of laws and regulations, rituals concerning how He should be worshiped, obeyed, how they should live amongst each other, concerning sacrifices, the dimensions of the temple, materials to be used, down to what the priests should wear when they entered the temple. It's safe to say that no T was left uncrossed, no i was left without a dot. Then, thousands of years down the road God comes as Jesus.
Now first of all, the Israelites were doing what they were told to do. They were following (to the best of their ability I'm sure) the law that God himself had established through Moses the Prophet. There were many other prophets through the ages that Prophesied and told the people that God would indeed come to them, but that he would be coming in power, glory, like a king coming in the clouds with all the host of Heaven by his side. At least, this is what they expected based on their interpretation of the scriptures. But he came as Jesus, a poor, average looking carpenter from Po-dunkville Nazareth. According to the Bible, Jesus was not what they expected, so much so that the priests of the day - the religious experts - were convinced he was a servant of Satan and decided to find a way to kill him.
How is it that the people of God, doing their best to fulfill the law, knowing the scriptures were so blind to the real deal right in front of them?
(You may take it or not, but even Jesus points the way, even Jesus is a sign. He even refers to himself as a doorway, a spiritual bridge of sorts)

The problem was, they were still clinging to a dead tree. This is A TRUTH in the Bible. Any Christian would agree with me up to this point, and yet when I say that the Bible will not always be the living tree it once was, they shut me out as if I'm a servant of Satan himself. "What are you saying!? The word of God will never be obsolete! You obviously don't understand the ultimate Truth of the Bible!"

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the Pharisees and Sadducees said the same thing...

Some people read the Bible because they think that in a book they'll find the secret of eternal life, but it's the very same book that bears witness to what I'm saying! And they're unwilling to even hear these things that they could have the life they seek.
It's not about nullifying the Bible. It's about distinguishing between the Source and the signs that point to it. And the truth is you'll pass many signs along the road and they will all point you back to the Source. I Guess you could say, all rivers run to the Sea.

And for any of you reading this who are looking for a loophole to use as a noose around the neck of my "argument", let's not be ridiculous. "All rivers" does not mean anything and everything. I'm referring to individuals seeking truth. I make no real distinction between Buddhists, Muslims, New Agers, Taoists, Christians, etc...
While on the surface they seem as different as different can be, the truth is they all stem from the same basic human need to return to the Source and when you look deeper into the heart of what they teach you find the same longing, the same commitment to truth, the same willingness to sacrifice self in the pursuit of "God", "Truth", "The Infinite", "The Source", "Enlightenment", etc.

Choose to focus on the differences in perspective if you must. But why not celebrate the golden thread they all have in common?

They all have their place, they all serve a purpose - they fulfill the individual needs of different people in different spiritual states and while none of them are the Supreme Truth, they contain a piece of truth that eventually guides all those that seek - back to the Source.

I am not trying to change you mind. That would be futile. No one can make you believe something you don't want to believe. When time, and life bring you to a place where you long to see the truth, you will. And all my words are just symbols, signs pointing to something bigger, like a shadow stretching out from the substance of something more real, more substantial.

If your tree is young and green, nourish it and take joy in watching it grow. If it is strong and tall, providing shade with strong limbs to rest in and sweet life giving fruit then enjoy it and take peace in the safety and spiritual nourishment it offers. And if and when you find that fewer leaves sprout each Spring, and it no longer bears fruit or can bear the tug of the wind and the pulling of your heart, then consider planting anew (but plant knowing that there is a cycle to everything, a birth and a death - we call it finite but it's truer name is echoed in it's infinite nature).